First, see this thread, especially the last 2 pages.
http://www.aquaticplantcentral.com/f...?t=9519&page=5
In a perfect world GH measurments are teh combined total of a ratio between Ca and Mg of 4.1 However, in the real world your GH can be made up of any ratio between Ca and Mg, as well as other salt ions like Na, K, etc. You coul dhave 100% Ca in your water or 100% mg or some combination of any of the above elements. The only way to determine your Ca and Mg readings are to test Gh, test Ca adn then use the formula you'll find in the link I provided you.
I would not use teh water through the softening system. Definately not. There should be water source before softner, if there is not then I would add one. Softners replace the Ca with either Na or K, usually, in your case Na. Na in more than trace amounts is harmful to your plants and possibly to your fish.