First of all, so sorry for your losses PlentyCoup. Sounds like a rough couple of months. I imagine it's difficult getting back into the swing of aquarium upkeep after all that. Sometimes it can be a nice escape though, our own little world apart from everything that we get to care for and enjoy.
Two suggestions:
1) Do not add anymore driftwood.
2) Stop trying to "keep the cycle going". All you're doing is encouraging more bacterial growth. Your plants haven't budged in four months, in part, I suspect, because they are in constant competition with beneficial bacterial growth. But, did we ever get an answer to Diana's question about your water's hardness?
I agree with the driftwood, but not so sure about stopping feeding. Obviously don't be dumping too much food in, but I think continuing some nutrient supplementation would be beneficial to the plants. Not sure how much the beneficial bacteria could be out-competing the plants - it seems like plants have a much higher capacity to absorb nitrogen so if anything it would be the other way around? But either way, if the bacteria
was taking nutrients from the plants, I would think they would want to add more nutrients to the tank, not less.
Looking at your plant selection, you have a lot of crypts which are slow growers. The big ones in the back have grown quite a bit in the last couple months! But maybe you need some more fast-growers to keep up. Perhaps some dwarf sag in the front of the tank?