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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well, maybe I lied just a little. This is certainly going to take more than an hour, it may best be described as a series. Welcome to this weeks episode.

To set things up, I have been without a tank for almost twenty years. College, raising three children, a couple of residence changes, and a change in career helped keep me busy. But in the last two years, I have acquired and set up two tanks. One, a 29g at home. And two, a 55g in my office. Both are/were planted. The 55 still stands in my office, but I put the 29 up for adoption. That brings us to the real subject of this thread.

You see Martha(who has some strange affinity for me) agreed, in what she certainly looks back on as a temporary lapse of sanity, to allow a larger tank in the house. "You can have it if it will fit right there", she said. I dwelled on the possibilities for a few days, and decided that "Ol Monday" and I could transform our allotted space into 125g of pure paradise.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to Ol Monday.

We used to have an intimate relationship, but not so much anymore. I divorced her for a pencil shortly after college. We still have a friendly relationship, and she agrees to help with demolition and a small amount of construction.

In what I thought was an impressive strategical move, I begin while Martha was away at a baby shower. I'll have this roughed out and she will be able to better understand the big scheme of things much better when she returns. Well, we had a few delays during this phase, my pencil boy biceps not being the least.

I get the paneling down.

And I put Ol Monday to work on this barrier between us and the glory of 125g of pure paradise. Martha walks in to find this.

And with a notable quiver in her voice exclaims, "Oh my God, what have you done to my house?"

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I think you should send Martha on a pleasure trip
Although Martha did enjoy the thought of your suggestion, it's duty before pleasure. She IS the excecutive department in this province, and with that power has appointed herself "Chief Environmental Engineer" and "Quality Assurance Manager". It's a bit hard sometimes for me to understand some of these excutive orders but, if I understand it correctly, she's not leaving me here alone with her nest and this mess.

Great fun!
Well, kinda, I look back on it as a motivator.

keep it going
I'm working on the next episode,is it:

Martha morphs to the "White Tornado"
"The Hangin' Judge"

Thanks, I hope you enjoy the ride.

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Artsy Fartsy

Today we offer a special edition of HHH entitled "The Artsy Fartsy Moment".

We have for years relied on the premise that the only thing you design from the top down is a building. Today we are here to dispel those beliefs. Function should follow form in planted aquariums. So we bring in a jug of corn squeezins, that way everybody will show, and we allow them to doodle for the evening. Below is the result.

There is a special prize being offered by today's sponsor for the first poster to identify the fish drawn by Martha.

The mechanical department of course is off in a corner drinking beer and has to have their own drawing, which appears to have nothing to do with the subject at hand by everyone else.

And the abstract senses of the Artsy Fartsy department begin to transform the corn squeezin' drawing into something..........well, something.

They are by now off to their selves drinking wine and drop this on the floor.

After a brief interruption for cheese, they submit the following master draft to mechanical.

As the evenings festivities wind down, I over hear the chief mechanic saying something about the top view being the side view, and the bottom view being the top view. He walks off in apparent disdain. But, he'll be back, he just loves this stuff.

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I had a Dream​

I had a dream of this elegant stage attached to a manifold. It is comprised of two like uv sterilizers attached in parallel as mirror images of each other. It has three personalities, bypass, flow to only one, or flow to both.


For those lighter times, to protect those beautiful micros


The moat defending against lower forms of flora


The toaster

But as with many dreams, it is not all pearling and 6500k. Just before I awake, I am standing before a wall of manufactures data charts. I am looking through Mississippi water trying to evaluate the numbers.

I now pour a cup of coffee, and try a moment of reality.


One programmable valve on supply to one sterilizer only. With the valve open we get flow to both, and with the valve closed we get flow to only one.


Programmable switch to each sterilizer.


Both switches off and valve open allows the lighter day mode. We at least keep intermittent flow to both and thwart stale water.

Switch to the unrestricted sterilizer on and valve closed yields the anti green water mode.

Both switches on and the valve open, I can hear the screams as they burn in..........

Now back to the muddy water part that woke me up. There is roughly a 3X difference in intensity recommended between anti-green and kill-em-all. This system as stated obviously only allows for 2X. But, the intensity recommendations vary by 2X.

Is there a "sweet spot" in this somewhere? Denizens of the germicidal spectrum, masters of below the blue, What say ye?

This makes me hungry, Apple butter on toast anyone?

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Thanks Jerp, and point well taken.

You can purchase a sterilizer with an internal wiper. Check this out.

I would certainly run flow through a minimum of 10 hours per day, would you have concerns with stagnation at that duty cycle?

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Discussion Starter · #22 ·
This is good, this is real good. First, JERP makes a funny. In this particular instance, I am ecstatic that pics were withheld.

Aquarium slime has a high SPF, try it at the beach someday.
Then, Tex Gal lays a chart on me.

It just doesn't get any better than this. I've got some cipherin' to do before I respond, after I clean up my keyboard.

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Discussion Starter · #27 ·
You know I passed by this title twice before I clicked on it. I should have clicked on it the first time I saw it. :) I'm in!
I'm glad you joined us. Other possible titles were:

"Martha does APC", We thought that one a bit racy for a family show.

"The High Tech ******* Hour", Sounded and smelled too much like a "Gunsmoke and Horsepoop" song.

"The Adventures of a Deranged Lunatic", A bit too honest, we're trying to be somewhat subliminal.

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Discussion Starter · #28 ·
Well since no one else has posed a guess at the fish, I'll throw out the obvious. Is the fish Nemo?
Welcome MasterMerlin. I want you to know that you had the producers almost fist-to-cuff with that answer.

You see, it was the screenwriter's intent that you circle the particular fish and submit. There are other artists renditions on the page. After review of the question as posed, and making the screenwriters work for free today, they asked Martha just what IT was. "It's a fish you dummies", she replied. So, your answer of:

is acceptable.

I would like to introduce you to this weeks sponsor, Sandlick Aerospace. Your prize is a fresh development, the "SA-101".

This bird is loaded with Excel bombs that can be programmed to detonate at any depth. It gets incredible fuel mileage and is simple to fly. Future developments are to include pump jamming technology for a more localized attack.

Enjoy, and let us know how she does.

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Discussion Starter · #38 ·
Psssst, Psssssssst......... Dad, hey Dad.........she's comin'.

A little before I had hoped, it's good we constructed this amazing piece of urban camouflage. Just act natural Sweetpea, maybe we can clean this up before she's on to us.

For any normal human, I still think we could have pulled it off. But, I failed to take into account the amazing powers of perception that Martha commands. She makes a flanking maneuver around our meticulous attempt at diversion, and looks me in the eye just as I set Ol Monday to the floor. I just cannot bring myself to repeat her statement.

After a brief moment of "The Look", she walks off mumbling. Shortly, I hear the banging of plastic buckets and water running in the laundry tub. Sheeew, I think we have escaped a felony charge.

That leads us into today's two part episode:

Laws, Ordinances, and Codes


The Big picture

Part one to follow after a short break.

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Discussion Starter · #39 ·
Laws, Ordinances, and Codes

To proceed with an endeavor such as this, we should certainly review the current judicial system. The bright side here is that there are no misdemeanor charges. The bad side, there are only felony charges and capital punishment the only sentence.

In a felony case, you stand accused immediately, before only one judge, and left to defend yourself. Sentencing is swift. I have lived the terror of a few of these tribunals. Acquittals are obtained on very rare occasions, pardons only after you feel the course fibers of the rope.

Misdemeanors, they just don't exist. At least they don't exist in any formal sense. But, there is a strange phenomenon that happens in some instances of civil disorder. The "Health and Human Services" department take a vacation. Examples include, but are not limited to:

Kitchen: caloric intake goes waaaaay down

Laundry: the skivvy drawer inventory drops dramatically

Family Planning: well, I'll just leave it at that.

Sweetpea, it looks like bologna tonight.

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Discussion Starter · #40 ·
The Big Picture

In what would only be normal in a Marvel comic, Martha enters the laundry room and the creature "The White Tornado " emerges. This thing is unbelievable, it could take down Mr. Clean with 7 of it's 8 arms tied behind it's back. After a flurry of activity, the mound of rubble is reduced to this.

And just as mysteriously as it appeared, the White Tornado vanished into the laundry room and Martha emerges for a complete inventory of the situation.

One fish tank missing: good

Plethora of wires: bad

Dangling den dimmer switch: not of immediate concern, we won't be using that for a couple of days at least

Exposed plumbing from my powder room: bad

Exposed pantry chests: bad

One missing wall: bad, no, very bad

Ok, let's get the guys from design and mechanical in here for an assessment.

One planted tank given up for adoption: but we do get visitation

Plethora of wires: looks like 30amps to ourselves already, and we are only 20 feet from the main

Dangling den dimmer switch: well, sometimes you gotta take one for the team

Exposed plumbing from THE powder room: this is soooo coool, the boys in maintenance will buy us beer for life

Exposed pantry chests: we really didn't know they were back there

One missing wall: no problem, we add a structural beam and replace it with two walls.

Honey(with EXTRA emphasis), step back here and let me explain what they are trying to say.

Look, from YOUR side we will have a framed in wall with only the front of the tank showing. No wires, no plumbing, no smells. Picture it?

From the back side, we enclose it with a closet. Entry door for maintenance, it will be totally enclosed. Picture it?

She ponders the data for a moment, and then pops THE question. How much is this going to c.........

And in the brief period that it takes to get to the inevitable vowel that is to follow, I have the innate ability to slow time. I review specifications and pricing for an incredible list of mandatory mechanical devices, uv, ro, co2, cannisters, mh...........


I answer honestly. "I don't know, but we have a lot of stuff laying around that we can use. I'll dig it up and we can look at it."

Her answer again reveals her amazing powers of perception, "Yea.......right."

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Discussion Starter · #43 ·
6" I wall tank install? support for removal of load bearing wall?
Very perceptive my dear Watson! Sorry I didn't get to ya earlier, one of the mods needed a fix. Welcome.

I do not want to dilute
As long as you don't water down the liquor, you are welcome. Come on in, have a seat. I'll even pour you one. And by all means, keep those cards and letters coming.
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